Back At It Again!

 

                                               

                      I used to be so good at this, but now & days I find myself struggling with what to say.

It feels the same, browsing all the isles, combing through the shelves, searching for that one thing that has yet to have been discovered. Is there something new I ask myself.. where is my break through item. Come on god I just need one thing. But yet it still eludes me. Or so i think. And even if I did find it, would I be able to find the words to say, to describe such a thing.  That's how i think.. that's how I think.

    So yesterday I took a trip to HomeGoods and as always I was so excited to be in store. It was beautiful. Easter, St. Patricks day, even a little Valentines day could be seen on the shelves. This is going to be fun I thought, so I pulled out my laptop and got to it. Well at least as much as I could. It's always easier with a camera. But either way. So I push on.. Of course you know it's spring and so I want to begin with Easter, so I dive right in. Bunny rabbits, tops and bottoms jumping  off the shelves as I stroll by.  Blues, greens, pinks and purples, but none as beautiful as sage of course. That's my favorite color, whether it's  because of the beauty or the fact that I bought so much during last years clearance i'm not sure, but that's what I'm going with.

   So that's where I start. But the more I talk, the more irritated I become because it's like I can't find the right words to describe anything. It's like i'm dumb, walking around gushing over everything. I keep thinking, " is this what you want to watch on youtube, is this how you want your product to be seen?' but it's how I feel.  DO you ever get like that, just way over the top silly or goofy acting about something that you like. That's me a lot lately, and then that smile, omg ... my smile is crazy these days. I miss the before.

I find myself often thinking," Dear God It's me Keyandra" seriously begging in my head that he take me back in time to a place where I could actually be comfortable with myself again.  It's been so long, like very long..lol. Anyway I've tried the dentist and everything, but to look at me you would say "nah, you did not." but I have. The whole thing is just confidence breaking, but again I press on. Hopefully one day soon I will find the dentist that's going to actually listen to me and do what I ask, but until then, I will just shy my way through it..

       Confidence aside, there are still so many things I feel when filming that I find myself debating with me on camera, yes even while filming. Yes Keyandra, Edit that out please. don't forget to remove that..you are not going to ruin my video ...etc etc  etc.  Is that rude? I was bothered by it at first and then the more I watched videos the more I started to see that other you tubers were making the same mistakes, or notations as they were, in their own videos.

   Anyway back to the subject. Speaking, speaking is what I have a hard time doing during videos, even though you can't really tell.  This is what I decided after viewing my most recent post. It really just seems like your happy to be there, but in the process it's a real struggle to understand if your failing. Based on the views I'd say that I am, or that I have because they just don't seem to be there. But, I post anyway. It's my hobby and I'm not quite ready to give up yet. So I will struggle and I will edit and most importantly of all I will continue to remind myself that there will never be a video on youtube that explains my point of view the way that i can. There is not a YouTube that can act out a moment that i want to see better than me either. An so with that being said, I should always do it myself, so says then Hen.

               I will Act it out, I will Film it, I will Post it, I will even Watch it if I have to

           I just want to BELIEVE that it is good enough for someone else to WATCH aswell   

                                                                     AND SO I WORK!